I'm going to spend most of today getting aspects of my life situated in New Town, and moving things into New Apartment. But first- I'm going to sit here, drinking two full liters of Mountain Dew while waiting for my pancreas to just stop working.
After that, though, I'm going to go do that thing I just said. Moving or whatever. New Apartment is going to be pretty great, and here are six reasons why:
1. It's not located in a small, southern Minnesota town. Rather, it's located in a medium-small, southern Minnesota town. For the time being, I'm utterly convinced that the additional six thousand people will add up to a substantial enough difference in its sociological framework that I'm more apt to fit in with.
2. It's directly across the street from my school's campus, and only about a kilometer* from work, so I needn't suffer existential crises in the thick of this coming year's Minnesota blizzard season when my car is snowed in sometimes and I have to be to work/school in half an hour and I'm afraid to call in sick ever because they might decide I'm not as dependable as they thought I was and stop scheduling me completely even though they don't schedule you in school the way they do at work, but maybe class hadn't been officially cancelled and there's a huge exam today, but I can't be sure if I can dig my car out in time, and even if I do manage to accomplish that, what happens if the roads haven't been plowed yet and my car gets stuck in the middle of the street, and then the snowplows come while I'm stuck there, all crooked and shit across both lanes of traffic because I slid before I got stuck & while I was counter steering I hit a patch of really slick ice and spun around a bit, but they can't stop in time and they broadside me at 50mph? I'm fucking dead, that's what. With New Apartment's location, I can just walk to school and work every day. Even in the winter!
3. The northwest corner of my living room ceiling is not caving in.
4. New Apartment doesn't have lead water pipes. I did not have to sign an agreement and a waiver in addition to my lease stating that I would let my water run for a minimum of 30 seconds before filling a glass to drink from, and that the building owners may not be held liable if I experience any degree of lead poisoning.
5. It appears as though New Apartment will be heated every day during the winter months, as well as all day during the days that it is on. I may be most excited about this.
6. Proximity to Mother. Fuckin'. Tendermaid.
* I used “kilometer” up there because I initially wrote “half mile,” but then I obsessed over whether or not I ought to hyphenate it. Then I got really stressed out about it because I tend to use more hyphens than any healthy individual ought to because I quite like them and became unsure of myself in an unnecessarily broad sense. Anyway, a kilometer is only a little longer than a half of a mile, so he serves his purpose well enough- even though I think New Apartment is actually closer than a kilometer from work, but I'm sure not going to use “850 meters” because, really, can I even relate to meters as a measure of distance? No. I can't.
No comments:
Post a Comment